Okay y’all I want to chat about something that kinda bugs me so enter soap box.
Moms and Dads are different.
Let me explain
I see, hear, and read quite often how moms say their husband isn’t involved with their child and don’t play with them or interact with, and seem distant. Dad may have just come home from working a 10 hour day and is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. Mom just spent 10 plus hours working for a two year old dictator (kidding….kinda). She’s physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted and she just needs a break.
But she doesn’t say anything to her husband.
She’s annoyed. With dirty yoga pants and unwashed hair.
The silence builds and the resentment sets in.
Now she’s just down right angry.
The baby has officially entered the witching hour, and dad is in his office doing who knows what, while mom cooks dinner. The tension builds in the house.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Come on, be honest now. This happens. It happens in my house and I’m sure it happens in just about every other house in the world.
And you know what y’all, it’s okay. We are all human living life and navigating it’s challenges the best we can.
And through the almost 9 years of being with FirefigterDad and almost 5 years of raising kids, I have learned two very critical differences that have saved us a lot of frustration, anger, resentment, and arguments.
1. Moms are Nurturers. Dads are Protectors.
Moms by nature are nurturers. We love, we cuddle, we hug and kiss. Some people would say we smother and others would say we need to back off. But the fact is, our hearts are overflowing with love. We have hormones to thank for this. When our child cries we have a physiological response to it. Stress hormones surge and we HAVE to get to our child; there is no other option. We have been created to nurture, feed, and care for our child.
Dads however are the protectors. They are hard wired to protect the ones they love. They do this by providing. Providing money, shelter, stability, and safety. They are driven to constantly protect their wife AND kid(s). They are constantly pulled into several directions making sure the basic needs of feeling safe are felt by everyone they love. Dads aren’t just physical protectors. They are emotional protectors too. They care about your feelings. They don’t want you or your children hurting, feeling insecure, or unsafe. Men are driven by this; they were created this way.
2. Differing Expectations
In my experience, frustration and arguments happen when mom and dad both have different expectations. Dad comes home from work expecting some down time to chill and decompress. Mom is expecting a hot shower alone, while dad watches the kid when he comes home from work.
But neither one of them communicate this to the other!
Wives expect their husbands to know this; to anticipate their needs. And y’all, I’m not gonna lie…this would be AMAZING!
But men are literal!
We as wives need to tell our husbands clearly and directly, “I need your help”.
Afterall, our husbands want to protect our hearts and feelings!
And vice versa, husbands need to communicate with their wife what their needs are. If he needs half an hour to decompress after work, then so be it. He’s tired and switching gears from providing at work to providing at home.
I’ve learned that having clear expectations for both me and FirefighterDad have prevented unnecessary frustration, resentment, and arguments.
We aren’t perfect. And when we have an off day and I’m feeling overwhelmed, I take a step back and recognize where I failed my husband -I didn’t communicate what I needed. He’s not a mind reader and in my heart I know he loves me and wants to protect me and provide for me. Even if providing for me means an hour to myself, or doing the dishes after dinner, or bathing our boys. All I have to do is ask.
So I strongly urge couples to recognize our innate differences and know that your husband does love his kids; his love just looks different from your love.
And know that your husband will protect his wife and his kid(s) with everything in him.
And talk y’all. Talking is good even if our husbands grumble about it. They will see the benefit when they get their 30 or so minutes of decompressing in their man cave.
Peace and Love until next time!